field notes

Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Mexico sent me an email stating, "Life is full of twists, turns, and obstacles. We can help smooth the ride." I was on the phone with them and the pharmacy for about an hour earlier this week trying to find out why they no longer cover a medication I have been taking for about 4 or 5 years.  The BC BS "help smooth the ride" email offers programs addressing "stress, anxiety, and worry; sleep problems; and substance use," all issues that can be addressed and prevented by covering the medication that they decided not to cover this year. Not to mention other possible serious health conditions that taking the prescribed medication will prevent.  It must be more profitable for them not to cover that medication. This is the second time they have taken on the role of physician/prescriber in my health care. Their demented emails only make it that much worse.  #pandemichealth

  Thay is one of those people who I thought would never die. I am grateful to have known and tried to practice his teachings for so many years. He gave this world so much . . . a humble Vietnamese monk.  I have much to learn from him, perhaps even through his death and how I can continue his teachings and work. Ceremony on the Transition of Thich Nhat Hanh https://youtu.be/pGxyUa37WbU 

We are all dying for sure. But it feels like I'm sitting around waiting to die. This delayed care and backed up appointments. All on top of an already disjointed medical industrial complex.  One can't but wonder . . .  Is this some kind of sick joke?  #pandemichealth

20200315 to 20220115 is 671 days or 95 weeks and 6 days , one day shy of 96 weeks. This is the duration I have been social distancing in the interest of flattening the curve and helping to shield those in my life and larger community from a novel virus likely to cause complications and hospitalization and possibly death. Utilizing control measures such as social distancing, self-isolation, wearing masks, avoiding crowds and possibly exposed or infected people (indoors and outdoors), washing hands when possibly exposed, limited travel, remote working, and the like. I maintain these practices and watch as restrictions relax and tighten back up as we grow impatient and open too early or fail to take the needed measures to the extent and duration that is called for in this situation.  I've seen many strange things during this time. From government and health leaders in denial and misleading citizens, to citizens totally loosing it and going off the deep end. I continue to ...

2022 is upon us! Resolutions? The past two years have blown that idea out of the water aside from my 2019 resolutions being based more on not doing things rather that adding more things to life. If anything it will be more of nothing. More like an early Lent. I usually begin organizing and planning for the new year early. I'm often planning habit changes to use New Year resolution momentum to institute. The past couple yeas have been full of massive, overblown uncertainty on every level: leadership transition at work pandemic, lockdown, coronavirus social unrest, continuing systemic racism death and loss health concerns, delayed care 2022 and the uncertainty continues. I will continue to focus on not doing stuff, minimizing, and simplifying. Via negativa. Focus on the essentials, the important things in life. "Nobody gets out of here alive." COVID Forced Resolutions - 2022 on track to continue with similar changes started way back. Deepening the things that remain. 

A routine checkup is a breeze. It's when you are actually concerned about persistent symptoms that you become uneasy. I am both looking forward to the visit and terrified that something serious may be found.  How many people go in with a three page list of symptoms and how their concerns unfolded over the pandemic? I can't delay care any longer, as much as I'd like to just blow it off.